princess in love

Steady feet don't fail me now.

2009-04-28T14:20:44Z

Dear dear, I don't want to study anymore :( Will you come over to sayang me? Will you magically appear here and run your fingers through my hair while I fall asleep in your arms? :(

Dear dear, whenever I look into the mirror, I see a fat and ugly me :( Do you still want me? :( I can't even bear to look at myself, how do you look at me everyday and tell me I'm still pretty?

I feel more and more depressed everyday. It feels like every ounce of energy is slowly seeping out from my already lifeless body, and it's being replaced by all the extremely negative emotions and thoughts. Soon, I'll feel myself struggling to stay afloat amidst a pool of pessimism.

I hate this feeling. It must be exams :(

And I'm sorry to you who have been reading distressing blog entries from me these days. I can't help it, I haven't felt free in the longest time. I feel caged up in this small little world of mine, growing fatter every minute.

It'll all be over on 15 May. Just please tolerate my nonsensical blog entries for the next 3 weeks. Can you understand this feeling now? :(

Steady feet don't fail me now.
没有你在我身旁乱了方向前路也曲折
独自面对身边没人陪
眼泪滴进了咖啡充满药水的苦味
让我受罪独自面对孤单的滋味
筑起墙围向后退跌倒了心力交瘁

I'm a lifeless vampire

2009-04-23T14:23:21Z

I haven't taken a close up shot of myself in the longest time. With all the daily mugging, my very chio ixus 80 has been left on my table and only used when I see Claire and then use it to tempt her into talking to me >.<

So yesterday, when the boyfriend posted up a close up shot of me he took using his phone on his blog, I got the biggest shock of my life.

OMG IS THAT ME?
What initially caught my eye was how pale I was. I wonder if it's the lousy camera, the lightings at the background, that my face has become much fairer within a few weeks, or it's just me looking PALE AND LIFELESS and extremely ugly! ARGH! It's worse than terrible!

Is this how I look to you everyday? TELL ME, TELL ME, TELL ME? I hardly spend time in front of the mirror peering at every inch of my skin anymore, so is this how I really look like now? SICKLY, WEAK, YUCKY and very deprived of a life? I look as though I've just came out from a hospital, except that I have grown fatter. This is what the UOL exams has done to me arghhhh!!!

This is very unbelievable. I swear after the 15th May, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make my face radiant!

If I look like a bloody sick vampire floating around now, please tell me. I feel so upset that I have to figure it out myself that this is how ugly I look now. ARGH. DAMN IT.

UGLY ME!!!! :(

The past.

2009-04-16T14:35:41Z

I always wonder, how can a guy hold the hands of another girl, shower her with sweet words, presents and a whole load of intimacy, and still tells the ex-girlfriend he can't seem to forget her, making it seem as though his current girlfriend is non-existent? How can there be such despicable cheaters lurking around in my life, or maybe, what used to be my life.

For the 3 years you were together with me, how could you like her, when you were supposed to be in love with me? Remember I asked you this question - Do you think a guy can like two girls at the same time? You don't even have to tell me your answer, it's right before my very eyes. Have you thought of how she feels, if she knows that the person she is currently in love with doesn't give his whole heart to her? In fact, I pity her.

We have all moved on. The past has only become such a vague memory I only remember bits and pieces of it. What etches deeply in mind were the times we fought, argued, bickered and all the pain and the tears. It was awful. The sweet times were so minimal.

Right now, I don't remember how your hands felt when they held mine. I don't remember how warm your hugs were, or how addictive were your kisses. I only long for his.

It's hard to take a step back, when I've taken so many steps forward.

You know, there was this one time, somewhere in 2006, when we haven't met for the longest time. It was one of the rare days that you walked me home at night, to my gate. Do you remember that I cried, and told you I missed you, and all you did was to give me a quick hug, and told me that it was late and you needed to get home? Did you ever know how I felt when you just walked away, without even any form of consolation? It was the first, and also the last time I told myself that I'll bother to even miss you this much.

I did so much for you, when all I got in return was an asshole as a boyfriend. How can I not forget? It didn't have to take half as what I did to you for him, and I know he appreciates me much more than you did. Having known you has made me realise how much I appreciate my boyfriend, and how much I will continue treasuring him in the future.

I'll never forget how you broke my heart, and you will never forget how I found someone to fix it.
Are you sure you still can't get over me? This girl who has left you buried deep within the recesses of her brain, this girl whose heart yearns for another guy, this girl who treats you as the ex-boyfriend who treated her so badly? This time round, you really have to take some time off to think about it. It's time you flew.

It would all have been easier, if you never told me you still liked me.

I liked it when he let me stay in his arms, brushed my hair and called me silly girl. It made me realise how much I love him, and it also made me want to be with him. It was till forever.

misses~

2009-04-13T01:57:57Z

Today's one of the days where I keep missing the boyfriend and I don't know why T_T I just feel like being in his arms and watching him laugh. Hmm. I must be spending too much time with POA & MSM this entire week I suppose.

In my life, you're all that matters
In my eyes, the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me
When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you
2 more hours till he reaches my house. It has been a long time since we went out in the night together. Just the 2 of us in one Altis, and one full moon shining upon us wherever we go :) I only hope I would still be awake when 10pm comes.

In the mean time I shall bathe, see if I have the mood to complete one Balance Sheet & Profit and loss account, and watch my disney channel! :)

I'm missing you dear~ Please appear real, real soon!

Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day
I'd be afraid without you there to see me through
Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it's just impossible
Because of you
It's all brand new
My life is now worth while
I can't imagine me without you
I got to get back to myself real soon. I ain't going to let matters of the heart affect my finals which is LESS THAN A FREAKING MONTH AWAY!!! Today, just let me be... let me be...

2 more groups of people I miss now~

CHERIE & CLAIRE!
MY GIRLS!~
At least I'm meeting my girls on Tuesday and we'll shop TAMPINES ONE DOWN! :) I wonder when is my next family gathering though I miss claireeeee~! Haha.

P.S : I'm hardly this 痴情... No idea what's up with me today. I think it has got to do with unappreciative people trespassing into my life in recent days that has led to me loving the boyfriend more and more. Hmm. You know, sometimes you need to be reminded of the past to learn to appreciate the present and the future. Is this what's happening now?

ramblings...

2009-04-10T14:52:29Z

I've been suffering from sudden bloatedness lately. My tummy starts to pain repeatedly at late afternoon and by night time, it's usually churning. It has happened for 3 days already and I'm quite sick and tired of trying to nurse a really uncomfortable tummy.

Yesterday night I got quite pissed for not being able to have good night sleeps, I went to eat 4 tablets of Bismac, that's supposed to help in indgestion and gastric. To my utmost horror, I woke up a gazillion times in the middle of the night to the sudden outbursts of pain. So much for a good night sleep.

What's happening to me? I wish I can just stop feeling so bloated :( ARGH!

It's Good Friday today and whilst everyone is shopping at the new malls at Tampines One & Illuma, I'm stuck at home waiting for my MSM lecture to begin at 3.30pm. How emo is this. I'm going to spend my public holiday doing something really productive like vacumming and washing my baby. She's in a filthy state now, and she'll be sparkling clean real soon. I simply can't wait.

It's less than a month away to my first paper, and I haven't understood what my POA and MACRO London lecturer has been droning on for the past week. Good game. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.

Something that I'm in need of right now? SHOPPING SHOPPING SHOPPING SHOPPING SHOPPING. I don't care! I'm going to find a weekday amidst my busy schedule, cordon off that special day and drag my girls out to Tampines One. I really need to get to UNI QLO ASAP and after that I'll head off to the boyfriend's house to boast about my latest buys :) AHHHH, I CAN'T WAIT.

It's been an awfully tiring week with 10am-5pm lectures 6 times in 9 days. To think I'm going to spend the coming weekend the same way too. MSM lecture takes up my whole day from 10am-5pm on a BRIGHT Saturday and Sunday. I hope it rains, it makes me feel happier. Did I ever mention that I love the rain? I love the smell of the rain, it lifts my spirits up. And no, I'm not a sadist, the rain just makes me extremely happy.

This post was supposed to be only about my churning tummy, I wonder how I managed to crap out so many paragraphs. My friends should blog more often, then I would have new blog posts to read! It somehow seems that I'm the only one who blogs on a regular basis, so emo lah.

Ok so I really should stop and head off to wash my baby before I start on some endless story about how I am deprived of life. I don't even have time to go pak tor with the boyfriend lah! It's either we spend our days mugging our asses off, or sometimes when we get too tired of books, we just head off to his house, or my house to slack for a while before our parents shove us out for some sinful dinner. I can't remember when was the last time we were both alone, zipping around Singapore in the night like we used to, or window shopping at some mall while he restrains me on spending money on unnecessary accessories. I know I really shouldn't fantasize about having some romantic time together, but you know when life gets a little too boring with POA, MACRO, MSM & MARKETING, you can't help but wish for a little something more.

See! Here I am going on and on again. OK END OF STORY.

Time to get ready to clean my baby and make her as beautiful as me :) Till then!

Dear Inspiration

2009-04-07T15:01:09Z

Dear Inspiration,

Please come back to me. You're the most important thing in my life now. Without you, I'll crumble and waste my life away. Your every move gives me a new ounce of energy and pushes me to go on. I'm not willing to collapse and let my fate take charge. I am the one who needs to decide my future!

Dear Inspiration,

Let me feel the adrenaline surge through my veins. Bring me back to the time, about a year ago, where I turned things I detest to things I love. Where have you been all these while? Did you just silently slip away into the wilderness, or did I carelessly let you off? No matter what it is, will you be my best friend and walk with me through the tough times once again?

Dear Inspiration,

I really need you urgently. Please come knocking at my door soon. Real, real, real soon. Inspire me.

With love,
Julia.

6th monthsary

2009-04-06T01:06:08Z

Lots of 6 months love from my dear! :)

RED ROSES - MY LOVE
I think the amount of flowers he gave me in 6 months has way surpassed the amount Mr Chong gave me within a span of 3 years. Argh, he totally knows how to tempt me with all the sweet, sweet gifts and good food >.<

After a gruelling 6 hour marketing lecture and 20 laps of freestyle in the pool, we headed to Tung Lok at East Coast for seafood.

super huge crab!
The very "romantic" activity after dinner was going to the arcade to play basketball and DDR to lose all the calories away! How romantic hur hur! And out of 2 basketball games that we competed against, I won once! KARL TIO OWNED BY ME IN BASKETBALL. HAHA :P

We were actually wearing the couple shirt Grace bought for us, but dumb us took pictures of everything except our faces. ARGH~ It's okay, there's always round two haha.

Activity 2 after all the sweating from the jumping around, was CAR WASH because my car is filthy and I haven't had the time to wash it myself!

The most emo thing was that I paid $7 to wash it at 11pm yesterday night, and at 4pm today, it started raining! ~!@#$%^&* EVERYTIME I wash my car until it's sparkling clean, it either rains on that day itself, or the next day. CURSED! >.<

Anyway, I actually have a lot of things to blog about. However, now that the greatest boyfriend has his own blog, he is stealing all my posts away so I have 90% lesser things to blog about now :P For more updates about our 6 months, please read his blog!

Haha ok. And now that 6 months is here, I'm actually waiting for our first major quarrel. You know the one where I will scream how much I hate him, slam the phone down, and not talk to him for 3 days until he floods my phone with romantic smses/buys 999 roses for me kind of argument? We're always so lovey dovey, so we need to add some spice in our life soon haha.

Happy belated 6 monthsary dear, and I can't stand it how much my parents love you. :P

Muacks. XOXO.

"I will love you still,
from the depths of my soul,
it's beyond my control
I've waited so long to say this to you
If you're asking if I love you this much,
baby I do."

Daddy's small gesture

2009-03-29T10:02:26Z

Today I had lunch with my parents at the Amoy street market. After lunch, whilst walking to the car, my dad saw an old woman, maybe in her 80s, sitting on the floor, amidst a stack of dusty old cardboards. He then reached for his wallet, drew out two $5 notes, smiled and passed it to her. The old woman's face immediately lit up and she thanked him profusely. Even as we walked away, the smile on her face didn't vanish.

I still vividly remember how her face brightened up as she held the money in her hands. The scene just keeps replaying in my head. And for that moment, I felt warmth enveloping my heart. I was also very touched by my dad's small gesture. It only reminds me how selfish I have been, spending money on other material things, like my ice-cream phone and Canon ixus 80, rather than giving to those people who really need it.

Charities have become so overrated nowadays it sometimes gets on my nerves. But in reality, there're indeed people who need our help. $10 may mean nothing to me, but it may mean a world to those who are sick and hungry.

Thanks dad, for letting me realise the true meaning of giving.

I'll always remember her smile. I could feel it, for it came right from the depths of her heart.

Dear's 24th

2009-03-29T10:02:00Z

I am a spoilt and wilful brat. One day after my strawberry and Sony camera passed away, I went to buy a new one. I think I am a bloody shopaholic I love shopping arghhh~ Thank goodness I spend within my means!

CANON IXUS 80

OMG DAMN CHIO RIGHT :):):) And I'm so happy to say that my eyes are opened when I take photos with it. NO MORE BUYING SONY CAMERAS FOR ME! At least the VAIO isn't giving me much problems, but NO MORE SONY CAMERAS. I will only trust Canon from now onwards.

And today I went to buy a pretty pink and fluffy pouch for my camera! I'm so upset I lost my strawberry KY gave I searched the entire Bugis and Tampines Mall but to no avail. So finally I set my eyes on a mao mao pouch from mini toons. $3.95 only! SO CHEAP! :)

A very chio pink pouch for a very chio pink camera. AHHH, this rocks.

Yesterday it was dear's ~~33rd~~24th birthday and there was this mega celebration at my place. He gets older everyday whilst I remain at 16. How exciting is this? And I used my PINK CANON IXUS 80 to take photos :) SO PRETTTYYYY :)

The girls...

and the guys...

And the girls camwhoring at Zouk at night.

After going to Zouk yesterday I realised that my energy level ain't as high as before. I think age is catching up with me and hence I can't stay up till 3am at night, drinking and dancing my heart out. Sleeping is just a better solution, especially when exams are -i-don't-dare-to-count-days away :( But nevertheless, it was fun dancing again! Dance reminds me those days when I was in STC! Dance was never my life, unlike swimming, but it was still a passion in some way or other :)

And the next time I partehhhh will be after the 15 May!

It's been one day since my dear's birthday! Happy belated birthday! I hope you liked everything that everyone has done for you :) MUCH LOVE!

XOXO.

LG ice cream phone! <3

2009-03-22T08:00:34Z

I love the LG ice cream phone deep deep, there isn't a need for it but I totally WANT IT. ARGH.

So yesterday after dinner whilst we were heading to Great World City, I asked my daddy.

"Daddy are you feeling rich today?"

"Why?"

"Then you can buy a new phone for me! $300 only without contract!"

"Ok!"

OMG he didn't even stop to hesistate! :) As he claims, money is to be spent!

Now I currently have a new baby pink phone it totally rocks my world! It's SO ME!

I must admit that the LG phone isn't as user-friendly as all the Nokia phones I've used. It doesn't have wireless internet, somehow you have to flip open the phone to check if there're new missed calls or messages, doesn't allow you to name your contact groups etc, but I'll forgive all the flaws because it's PINK PINK PINK! And it's my favourite kind of phone - FLIP PHONE! :) and it has gigantic number pads for my fat fingers to use! WOOTS.

Now my laptop is pink, my camera is pink and my handphone is pink! Very soon, I would have to start searching for a pink mp3 player. Also, my current old school Vaio has only a pathetic 68GB memory it's so retarded that I have to keep deleting stuff every week! I feel like changing to the new Vaio ( which even has a pink keyboard thingy! Mine is grey! ) but it costs like $1999 to buy a laptop and there's a recession right now, so argh! It's such a dilemma! But 68GB of space is killing me! Even my portable hard disk drive has 320GB of memory space. Oh well, I shall contemplate after exams. After all, my Vaio isn't even 2 years old.

Don't kill me but I am also dying to change my Sony camera to the pink Canon one. For some reason, the flash of my Sony camera sucks it always makes me have sleepy eyes, so much so as I'll look like a slut when I take photos. EVIDENCE :

Anyway this is just one of the better photos, there're many many others that my eyes are half closed it's VERY UGLY. I think it's because the flash is at the really wrong time and this thus makes me treasure my Canon camera lots lots! This explains why I'm hoping my Sony camera ( which is like less than one year old ) will spoil ASAP so I can buy a new Canon one! DIES~

HELLO JULIA TAN!!! RECESSION HERE and you're like spending money like it's water grrr~ Did I also mention I just bought a $53.90 super chio tube dress when I was at Holland Village the other day? I think it's chio because it has a BIG RIBBON at the back! :)

DIES!

Ok that's not the point. So anyway, say bye to my very cui Nokia E65 and hello to my super chio new LG ice cream phone! CHIONESS! :)

All the world's a stage

2009-03-20T19:36:52Z

I think I lead a really fascinating life. At least, the people around me are.

One year ago, it used to be just me, KY and Karl, 3 retarded people sitting outside LT 1.04 from 11am - 6pm everyday, mugging our asses off for the Year 1 exams.

Now, it's one year later and boy how the study clan has tremendously expanded in size. KY's brought her juniors along, Li Shan, Lynette & Lovelle, and now they're bringing their guys, Desmond & Steve along. What a gigantic study group. Which also explains why we spend half the time crapping and laughing over random stupid stuff, like flinstone cars.

We forged a bond so close within a few weeks, now we go out to celebrate birthdays together! :)

Guys are not in the picture!
Sometimes, I like to take a step back to look at how all our lives have been going. Some of us share the same fate, whereas for others, things just seem to get out of hand more often. Some other times, when I look at the people around me, there seems to be a joy of indescribable happiness brewing in my heart. It's like my life is a drama, and all lessons are only learnt after the experiences are shared.

I see the people around me falling out of love and falling in love again, or falling in love and out of love again. I see new friendships forged, broken friendships renewed. I see the laughter and the tears, and at least I know in this really materialistic world out there, there's a thing called friends who will always be there supporting you no matter which corner of Earth you're hiding at.

Currently, at this moment in time, I think my life is one of those sappy Taiwanese love dramas, where the male and female leads are in the process of becoming together. What else can I say but Karl & I are only the audiences, trying to give tips whenever possible. In my eyes, I see more stories unfolding and more pieces of a puzzle being solved. As to how long it's going to take to reach the end of the serial, or what the ending is going to be, I am totally oblivious.

So what else can I say, but all the world's a stage, and all the men and women are merely players.

This time round, I'm the one sitting at my comfy corner, looking at how things around me unfold. When things get intense at times, I sit up a little higher and join in the excitement. When things start to get a little boring, I munch on my popcorn and hope for more.

There's just a few times I wonder why my life isn't as complexed and dramatic as those people around me? Then I look at the lives of others and feel contented about my really simple life.

Humans are just that contradictory, eh? We always want things that we do not have.

And if only I could explain why.

A simple gesture

2009-03-18T16:57:29Z

In a relationship, sometimes the sweetest thing just comes from a really simple gesture.

"What else can be more important than my darling's safety home?"

It means a whole lot to me when he bothers to fetch me home right to my doorstep almost 99% of the time we go out, even though how hard I nag at him that it's fine and that I can get myself home perfectly safe. The worst part is that he stays at the other end of the world.

It's such simple things that he does, that makes me feel that I'm loved. When did my ex-boyfriend ever do such a thing to me?

Thanks dear <3 :) You do not know how much it means to me.

THE BOYRIEND CHECKLIST

2009-03-16T18:34:03Z

Li Shan's new boyfriend checklist reminded me of the one that I wrote when I broke up with Mr Chong a long, long time ago. And after flipping through my diary, I found that particular entry on 20 Aug 07. I'm going to type it here, WORD FOR WORD :)

QUALITIES THAT JULIA TAN WOULD WANT IN A GUY.
- RICH! Filthy rich... Just damn rich
- Currently serving NS, or maybe even out of NS already
- Pursuing a degree
- Loves to eat :)
- Can drive OR has a chauffeur
- Very very very very very very romantic... very very very very very...
- FAITHFUL + LOYAL. Loves me only
- Accept me as the person I am ( e.g don't ask me to lose weight )
- Walk me right to my doorstep everytime :)
- Able to make decisions! Even the smallest ones!
- INDEPENDENT & street smart
- At least 1.8m and meaty :)
- Horoscope of Aries, Leo, Aquarius... or TAURUS!
- Will carry my bags when I ask him to
- SMART!!!!!
- Let me play with his 3 day beard
- Let me bite him! ( especially the ears )
- Doesn't mind PDA ( public display of affection )
- Will learn to love my friends as much as he loves me
- Minimal family problems
- Shower me with all the love he has

So the page ended there, but if I were to think of my head now, there would be a few other points :) like,

- Sing songS to me every night! As many as possible!
- Strong enough to carry me
- 疼死我!!!
- Willing to drive me around Singapore to fulfill all my weird random cravings for food.
- Put me to sleep
- Sayang me lots and lots and lots and lots!

Anyway there's a lot more :) And of course 15 inch and lambos are just very rare bonuses :) or more like fantasies that will never come true!

So, the underlying statement is that basically I have a fetish for ultra romantic guys who will bring me to romantic places and give me roses and sweet talk and stuff like that. GRRR~ hence I am very prone to marrying any random guy who maybe proposes to me with 999 red roses in some romantic restaurant by the beach or whatever >.< Now you know the way to my heart is just to be very romantic and I will willingly give away my heart to that guy!

And by the way, the only reason why girls would come up with a checklist is because their past boyfriends weren't able to fulfill like 90% of the criterias and hence she's always on a lookout for a much better guy :) And thank God I did my checklist, because Karl's obviously 387493976546396425 better :)

wedding photos!

2009-03-13T01:57:58Z

5 months and 9 days into our relationship, Karl and I have already started taking wedding photos. How romantic can it get? Haha. If we continue going at this rate, maybe in one year's time, you would see me cradling a cute baby girl in my arms.

Photo credits to our professional photographer, Mr Desmond Yee!

Don't they look pretttyyyy? :)

So anyway, that was how we spent a really unproductive Monday in school, trying to mug our ass off but ended up taking photos the entire day.

And I was kidding about it being wedding photos, we were just being "models" for him to exercise his photography skills. BOY I WAS A FREAKING MODEL. My face is stuck up on a particular wall in SIM now I swear I'm never going to wear that butterfly shirt to school again.

Group photo of our usual study gang w/o Lovelle
Want to marry me? It ain't that easy. Buy me a 10 carat diamond ring and a Lamborghini, and then we'll talk about it :)

"Whenever life seems to drift you away from me, I can't help but cry.
You've grown to be such a part of me that
without you life is no more than a desperate sigh.
They do say love comes and goes, and to that I disagree.
So, here's my hand, take it and don't let go of me."

The day I tore away my rose-tinted glasses

2009-03-05T13:29:03Z

All it takes was to steal a few more glances, and there I see myself, standing right before my very eyes. The me, who was broken, who was lost, who was struggling to differentiate between desires and needs, who wanted to end the race, who was trying to piece her shattering heart. The me, who almost gave in to guilt, to wants, to an impossible dream, to intimacy, and lastly, to myself.

And so I crumbled, and weeped, and fell, and blamed the world, and hated my life. Everyday was a disaster. I remember how my emotions followed the sun. As it rose in the morning, it brightened the horizon, and my level of happiness rose along with it. When night came, and it vanished far beyond the seas, so did all the positive emotions. I lived through nights in terror. Loneliness surged through me, it seemed as though someone ripped a huge part of me away, and I never felt so alone in my life. Loneliness was my best friend for a really long time, but ironically, in it, I found my strength.

But no matter how badly I wanted to cry out and surrender, something held me back. It's this simple little word called happiness. True happiness. It was something I lacked of all these years.

After tearing away my rose-tinted glasses, I finally faced the world, and it has been much more beautiful than I thought it would ever be. And when I saw the world in a new light, every stab of pain that I felt in the past could not be compared to how I viewed this ugly, yet fascinating world. It was, and is still, indescribably beautiful. That was when it dawned upon me, that I have succeeded in pulling myself away from a certain past. All the heartaches, the tears, the self-denial, the hurt, the confusion, had been all worthwhile.

I want to thank everyone out there who played a part in making my life this gorgeous. The little words of encouragement, the constant concern, have all been greatly appreciated.

Greatest thanks to my dearest girlfriends, who was always by my side. There were so many times I wanted to give in to myself, and they pulled me back, left 2 slaps on me, and pushed me back to the other route. It was the route that was the further away from his shadow. Without you girls always screaming at me and giving me all the encouragement, I would still be living in misery! THANKS JIEMEIS <3~

That cross junction in life was the hardest decision ever made. How I struggled and managed to force every ounce of available energy left to crawl through it remains a mystery to me up till today.

But yet, success is sweet. Real, real sweet.

Welcome to this new, wonderful life. Success only comes with all the hard work, and in this kind of situation, it's triple the effort.

extravagant

2009-02-27T17:07:29Z

DIE LA. I have just spent like a grand total of like $258 on 10 clothes in 10 days. HELLO JULIA.

2 Saturdays ago, mummy brought me to Forever 21 at Wisma and I bought 4 tank tops for $158!

Last Saturday, I went to collect my new specs at Bras Brasah and I headed to Bugis for a while and spent money on 1 skirt, 2 t-shirts and 1 bag.

Today, the plan was to accompany KY to Wisma to get her friend's birthday present at 7pm ( yes, after studying for one freaking day ). HOWEVER, we did get the present, but I also came home with 2 tops from FOX ( super chio halter and one winnie the pooh racer! ) and 1 top and 1 pair of shorts from Dorothy Perkins.

DIE LA. So many clothes! I'm so going to clear my wardrobe soon argh~~~

Must be all the prelim stress that is making me go on some extravagant spending spree. SOMEBODY STOP ME. The government's only giving me $100 on March 1. It's not even March and I've already spent $258. HELLO JULIA TAN.

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know that he loves me cause told me so
I know that he loves me cause his feelings show
When he stares at me you see he cares for me
You see how he is so deep in love

I know that he loves me cause its obvious
I know that he loves me cause its me he trust
and he's missing me if he's not kissing me
and when he looks at me his brown eyes tell it so

I have an ex-boyfriend who makes me want to vomit

2009-02-24T12:54:14Z

It's 3.05am in the morning and I can't get to sleep. It's been 3 days since I ever slept properly, and all I want to is to have a good night's sleep :(

Anyway, yesterday morning I was reading the newspapers when I came across a particular facebook group that they were discussing about. Not long later, I went to join it.

And the name of the facebook group is! *DRUMROLLS*

"I have an ex-boyfriend who makes me want to vomit!"
HAHAHAHA SO FUNNY RIGHT~ So I was looking through some of the discussion posts there and there was this thread that went "Why does your ex make you vomit?" In it were many summarized stories from many girls across the world about their retarded ex-boyfriends and how they cheated on them, took advantage of them and used them as a sex toy etcetra. It was only then it confirmed my initial thinking of 1. GUYS LOVE CHEATING ON THEIR GIRLFRIENDS and 2. MEN DATE YOU ONLY FOR SEX. ( Okay, I don't care if I'm stereotyping but WHATEVER! )

Then I was thinking, if I were to join in the fun in posting on why my ex makes me want to vomit, it would be as follows :

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for a grand total of 3 years. The first time we broke up, it was because he was Christian and I wasn't. The second time we broke up, it was because I found out that he was cheating on me but I stupidly accepted him back again 2 weeks later because I was bought over by his sweet words and actions that lasted only for a week. The third and last time we broke up was because I realised he was cheating on me AGAIN, and I wasn't so retarded to let him back into my life. So within the next 6 months he dated 2 girls and came to confess to me after breaking up with them that he is still f-ing in love with me. It's been almost one and a half years and he is dating his third girlfriend but I wonder where his heart actually is.

Okay, maybe I think I may have gone overboard but, WHATEVER!

KY & Sam have been trying to tell me that I am being a very evil person for the past few months they actually pity the other party instead. So maybe right this moment, the first thing I should do is turn into a nicer ex-girlfriend.

How is that ever going to happen?

I bet nobody wants to be my ex-boyfriend now. You step on my toes, TWICE, then you will get everything back in return, full fledged, plus an extra 100% interest. This is how evil I am.

On the other hand, I really, truly think maybe I should tame down and be the kind of ex-girlfriend who shows utmost concern about the ex-boyfriend, treat him with more respect and not humiliate him so tremendously and go around ruining his reputation ( It's really inevitable, really. )

I really should change for the better. INSTANTANEOUSLY.

Haha. Riggggghttt, I doubt I ever will, especially when I just announced the name of the new facebook group I joined on my very accessible blog. In case you forgot, it's

"I have an ex-boyfriend who makes me want to vomit!"

Do you want to marry me?

2009-02-19T14:47:04Z

This post is for every single male species out there, especially for my current and future BOYFRIENDS :)

Do you want to marry me?

Before you do so, you will have to fulfill 5 of my very materialistic expectations. ( Only 5 mah... )

1. I HAVE to get married in a WHITE CHRYSLER 300c.

And did I also mention that it would be even better if it were a white chrysler 300c limo? :)

2. Our honeymoon would have to be some romantic place like PARIS.

We'll go shopping in the city of Love, stare at the Eiffel Tower all day long and fall in love over and over again! :)

3. We'll have to stay in a pretty house with a pretty garden and a big porch so that I would be able to flaunt all our future hot cars! Best that it's Victorian themed!

4. Our room would have to be Victorian styled.

Just something like this :) Very very pretty, perfectly suited to the demanding needs of someone like me!

5. Before he marries me, he'll have to own a LAMBORGHINI.

This is why when he chaffeurs me around Singapore, everyone would be staring at us in the car. Then I'll smirk at all the other girls in the BMW 6 series, Mercedez S500 and Audi R8s, TOO BAD, THE GUY INSIDE THIS SPANKING ORANGE LAMBO IS MINE :)

As you can conclude, I am a very demanding, materialistic and selfish little brat. I DON'T CARE because I'm only going to get married once and it's going to be the grandest event of my life. My white wedding is going to be completely flawless.

I bet Karl is thinking of ways to dump me after reading this post. Either that, or he is making plans to rob the bank. Haha :)

And to think I only announced the materialistic expectations. How about the ones on a personal level? Like for instance, tall, dark, handsome, rich, smart, romantic, loyal, must have a car and 15 inch?!

If I wasn't anywhere near demanding, I wouldn't be called JULIA TAN.

Hello world, it's time to see who I really am! HAHA :)

"Follow your dreams, for as you dream you shall become."

死板

2009-02-17T12:37:01Z

The other day, Yong Xin was commenting that my blog entries are getting a little bit way too happy it was getting a little too disgusting. ARGH, but I can't help it! I want to feel depressed too!~ I hope my optimism and laughter will influence the people all around me so that they will feel happy too! :)

Anyway, last Thursday, KY, Karl and I spent 2 hours queueing up for some palmistry reading session in school. By the time it was my turn, my legs were almost like jelly. So one of the things that the astro-palmist, Master Khor kept stressing upon was that I was very LOGICAL, TOO LOGICAL( yes he used this word ), TOO LOGICAL FOR MY OWN GOOD. He said, in other words, I was 死板!

So I went back to tell my mum that he said I was very 死板 and my mum just kept rambling on about how inflexible I am. Why can't I just change my views on certain issues? Why do I always have to stick to something and refuse to deviate from it? I guess being too 死板 has its own pros and cons.

Yesterday night, I came across a link that Valerie posted on her blog, which explains to you the meaning of your name. So I typed my chinese name in - 陈缌嘉. And guess what was the first characteristic of what I think is the chio-est chinese name on Earth? :)

脑筋比较保守死板，不容易变通!!!

Wha lao! So right from the start of all, please blame it on my name. My great, great name that defines me. Hmm.

In case you are unaware, JULIA means the youthful one :) Yes, this explains why I am always 16 at heart, thank you :)

Enough of nonsense!

HELLO JULIA TAN. 13 DAYS TO PRELIMS. HELLO!!!

Valentine's 2009

2009-02-15T11:03:21Z

It was my first Valentine's with a car, first Valentine's with a big bouquet of roses that I can hao lian, first Valentine's day that I finally feel like a pampered girlfriend haha :) and it was also dear's first Valentine's of his 24 years of existence ( KY! Don't be sad! Got someone more cui than you! :P )

Roses and balloons he gave on 13 feb
You know one of the most embarrassing things ever was to hold a bouquet of roses and 3 balloons floating beside, walking around IN SCHOOL. Everyone was staring at me as though I was some freako! Luckily I didn't see many familiar faces if not everyone would be wondering why I was celebrating pre-Valentine's!

On the morning of V day, I saw my dad who was going down the stairs so I brought the flowers and hao lian to him!

"Daddy! You see my roses! So nice right!"

"Who buy for you one? Your Karl ah?"

"Ya lor if not who else!"

"Wha lao so waste money lah! You give me la! I bring to the office and give one girl one rose la! Help you to RECYCLE!"

OMG, my dad is LAME! Haha.

On the actual day, dear came over with his Altis ( why no Lambo?! ) at 5pm and we headed to Ichiban at Novena square for our usual very filling Japanese dinner.

dear
CAN YOU SEE MY UGLY TAN?
I felt like the ugliest Valentine in the world yesterdayyyyy :( That was because the Open water training last Sunday has made me sunburnt and now I have an UGLY AND VERY OBVIOUS SWIMMING COSTUME TAN on my body it sucks! Not only that, all the red parts have started peeling and now my whole body is full of dried skin. YUCKS!~ >.<

Thereafter, we drove down to Marina Square at 7pm. Thank goodness we met xiaohwee and angie and had lots of entertainment at the kiap kiap place. Our movie was at 9.40pm omg!

catches for the day
love this pic for the big Pooh and the super cuddly niu niu :)
After the movie, we made a short trip to East Coast where the boyfriend tried to re-enact what happened on 10 Sep 08 and he gave me niu niu no.3, folded flowers no. uncountable and best of all, LOVE LETTER NO.5 :))))) HAHA.

By the time he sent me home, it was coming 2am, and now it's my turn to give him my present!

pretty pretty box! Kudos to sam :)
OREO CHEESECAKE WHICH I BAKED~
I am actually like very proud of myself for not burning down the kitchen when I actually you know, like, MADE CHEESECAKE~ First time in my life that I baked! Even though I like, erm, electrocuted and hence, spoilt the grinder, at least the kitchen is still in tact and my cheesecake is successfullll :) Very happy that dear appreciates it! I am ALL GRINS!

Special thanks to my dear SAM MAH who has taught me how to make it and helping me with all the unknown ingredients, and to KY who had eaten enough of my cheesecakes ( for trial run! ) until she wants to puke at the sight of it now! :)

And so how that was how Valentine's 2009 ended - with cheesecake,and lots of hugs and kisses.

My dear makes me feel like a loved, over-pampered and spoilt little princess.

Thanks for everything dear :) You've been so sweet!
Till next year then :)

5 things I am certainly sure of

2009-02-12T01:55:08Z

There's 5 things right now I'm certainly sure of.

1. I AM TOTALLY BROKE. I need money to spend on my palm reading session, henna and shopping that will be held in school tomorrow.

2. PRELIMS ARE IN 2 FREAKING WEEKS and Julia Tan, what are you doing everyday, playing Fishdom and slacking through your lectures? JULIA TANNNNNN!!!!!

3. I AM VERY SUN BURNT NOW I look like a freaking lobster it's so embarrassing to go to school to have the whole world stare at your shoulders when you walk pass them. And my burn hurts so bad I can't bathe, sleep or wear clothes properly. I've been consistently slapping aloe vera gel on my shoulders these 2 days but I AM STILL RED AND PAINFUL.

4. I AM GETTING A BIT ~~VERY~~ STRESSED AND IRRITATED. Because there's POA Assignment 4, Valentine's day and 100001 things to study and I am still trying to find the motivation to start work. I hope time can just stop now.

5. I TOTALLY NEED 10 MILLION DOLLARS NOW. Dear Lord, please grant me 10 million dollars now because there's only 4 bucks in my pathetic wallet. At the same time, my bank account is depleting at a SUPER RAPID PACE. How upsetting is this?

Here's a shoutout to my CJ GUITAR CLUBBERS Yong Xin, Tze Wei, Wendy, Jeff, Emily, Da Jie & Gabriel! :) It was fun meeting you guys at Timbre on Mondayyyy! Totally had a great time! Mr YX, even though you haven't left, but DO COME BACK SOON! :) Ah, guitar club, those were the days :)

Cause you and I both loved <3

If I had ten million dollars...

2009-02-05T12:48:21Z

If I had 10 million dollars...
Today, the boyfriend brought me to buy my first ever Toto. And thus tomorrow at 9.30pm, I have this super minute chance to win 10 million dollars.

If I had $10,000,000, I would,

1. Put $2 million in the bank and save it for future use.

BALANCE : $8 million

2. Give $1 million each to mummy and daddy respectively, and another $500,000 to be shared amongst all my grandparents and relatives. My friends would get a share too! Maybe $500 per person? :)

BALANCE : $5.5 million

3. Give $2 million to charity.

BALANCE : $3.5 million

4. Make a trip to Paris in first class air tickets and make sure I shop at Coach, LV, Prada etc. I'll march into forever 21, Topshop and Juicy Couture and demand an entire wardrobe overhaul. I'll buy an entire load back of branded bags and wallets back as gifts. Estimated damage would be $500,000.

BALANCE : $3 million

5. Buy a pretty pink yacht so I can celebrate my 21st birthday on it.

BALANCE : $2 million

6. Buy one red Mazda 2 ($57,188), one black BMW 3 series ($131,800), one blue Peugeot 207 ($66,900), one red Mini Cooper ($103,800), one yellow Volkswagen beetle ($65,300) and lastly, one white Chrysler 300c for future wedding car in case Chrysler really goes bust again ($150,000). With my spanking sexy Clio, I have 7 cars of so this means that I can drive a different car everyday! :) With COE prices at an all time low, these 6 new cars would only cost an estimated amount of $570,000.

BALANCE : $1.43 million

7. Trade in my mum's Chrysler Grand Voyager and buy the really desired A5 for her. It costs $173,000. Anything to make my mummy's dreams come true!

BALANCE : $1.257 million

8. Contribute $1m to daddy to pay off the existing money for my current house.

BALANCE : $257,000

9. Sponsor KY and Sam $10,000 each so that they can attend LSE Summer school with me in June! And $10,000 just seems so pathetic compared to $10,000,000.

BALANCE : $255,000

10. As for the rest of money, I'll just use it for more miscellaneous stuff! For example, buying more shoes, more earrings, more bags, more whatever and ever when I go shopping! I can also effortlessly get the 52inch LCD TV that my dad and brother has been aiming for to be put in the basement. Or maybe I'll just take it to bribe the UK examiners to give me an A for my four modules in my final term :) $50,000 each!

Oh yeah, if I had 10 freaking million dollars :)

with lots of julia love!

2009-02-03T17:42:55Z

Claire <3!
Lifesaving girls <3!
Gang <3!
They've made my life really busy this entire week, but I love them loads! Next up meeting with my girls on Sat and guitar clubbers on Monday!

It's been a really busy CNY!

And not forgetting,

Happy 4 monthsary dear!

back to reality

2009-02-01T14:37:25Z

Yesterday, I met up with the gang for our annual CNY dinner and heard of Royden's plight.

It actually indirectly made me realise something.

That all these while, I've been busy living in my pretty fairytale of couples living happily ever after, and thus I've actually forgotten the pain and hurt of the separation of couples - breaking up.

Looking and talking to him yesterday has indeed brought me back to the harsh reality, reminding me of the word "depressed" that was once in my dictionary, but now long buried and forgotten.

It brought me to realise that I've been living in my colourful world this entire time I've overlooked the real pain of breaking up. Distraught? It seems so near, yet so far. Looking at him reminds me of the time I broke up with Mr Chong, and how much torture I had to go through just to find myself and be the person I am today. It's the kind of feeling that I wouldn't want to go through all over again.

My dear Royden, time heals everything. I'm sure you'll learn to stand up on your own two feet and be the strong person you were in time to come. Jia you!

And as for me, this time, it's back to reality. No dating, no clubbing, no movie outings, no shopping, no watching tv, no online games, no major eating sessions. Just me and my books, for the next 3 terrifying months.

Just me, and my books :(

P.S : Some loser guy puked all over me and my bag when I was clubbing at Rebel yesterday night. Now my bag stinks and I refuse to use it again although it's less than a month old :( F**K that asshole!

25 random facts about me

2009-01-29T14:29:10Z

25 Random Facts about Me
1. I don't eat celery, brinjal, tao gay and cong.

2. Since 12, I've been wearing dark red rectangular specs and have never deferred from that image because I look weird in the rest.

3. The first time the optician taught me how to put on contact lens, it took a miserable 45 minutes.

4. I always wish that my life was a fairytale, so I can marry my prince charming and live happily ever after.

5. The only reason why I paint my fingernails is to prevent me from biting them off. This is also why I don't paint my toenails - because I can't bite them in the first place.

6. I love spicy food, but I just can't seem to eat mala.

7. My current pencil box is a super furry pink dog which I bought for 5 bucks at bugis village.

8. When I was young, my dream ambition was to become a teacher. Omg.

9. I dislike eating steamboats. I really, really don't like it. They just seem really tasteless to me.

10. I'm afraid of heights. When I grow up, I need to stay at the maximum of the 3rd storey. Anything higher than that I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to hang my clothes out to dry.

11. Currently, I'm in love with Shi Jie's pink LG ice-cream phone. If it wasn't the fact that I cannot surf the net with it, I would have gotten it almost IMMEDIATELY.

12. SIM Lifesaving Club feels like my baby. Looking at it grow and mature day by day makes my heart glow!

13. The first time I pierced my ears, I almost screamed the whole Wisma Atria down. Thank God bestie was around.

14. I have a grand total of 25 pooh bears, and 1 pooh bear pillow.

15. J K Rowling's Harry Potter series is still the love of my life. Somehow, no author can ever beat her!

16. I dislike eating and drinking sweet things. I especially detest drinking soft drinks ( because I take forever to finish them ) and cold and sweet desserts. The only exception is the now unavailable Ben & Jerry's peanut butter ice-cream.

17. Once upon a time, I took ballet. It was just before my Grade 3 exam when I sprained my ankle and turned to swimming instead.

18. I can never have enough of Hua Ting! ( Some restaurant in Orchard Hotel )

19. Since young, I've always dreamt of becoming a pretty bridesmaid. It's the closest to being a bride.

20. My first handphone when I was 12 was a third-hand dark-green Nokia handphone that was so big and bulky and ugly. Then, when I was 14, my father got me a Nokia 8310. When I was 16, he changed to a Nokia 6680 for me. When I broke up with Mr Chong at 19, I changed it to a Nokia N76. More than half a year later, some idiot stole my handphone and now I'm using a Nokia E65. So please don't blame me for loving Nokia, it's been with me ever since the beginning. Plus, can you imagine that my Nokia 8310 is still in tip-top working condition? :)

21. I used to write my diary in Chinese. Since one and a half years ago, I changed to writing in English because my Chinese was getting worser by the day. And yes, I GOT A1 FOR MY CHINESE :P

22. In this whole wide world, I respect my daddy the most.

23. I have a thing for local comedy movie productions. I like being there and laughing my ass off at lame jokes even though the plot of the show is senseless.

24. I make it a point to wash my baby once a week, vaccum her once a month and wax her once in 2 months. I'm such a great owner.

25. My idea of a perfect 21st birthday is being able to hold in on a yacht. And that's never coming true because it just seems so impossible.

So, how many things do you know about me? :)